I often dream about a time when people would want to buy whatever I wanted to sell. They would be eager to support my passions and care about what I want to do.

But, those dreams are short lived and then I’m brought back to reality and I know that unless I find out what people are demanding, what they will search high and low to find and what they are willing to spend money on then I better hope there is some serious change in my sofa cushions.

I’m actually a bit surprised however at how many people stay stuck in fantasy land – who still make every decision based on what they want to do, how they want to spend their time and the kind of projects that are fun to them without ever putting any emphasis on what potential customers are looking for. That’s just business suicide.

Yes – I think following what you love is great. Turning passion into a profit is utterly fabulous but that doesn’t happen without consideration for what the market demands.

So, how do you find out what the market, hopefully your market, is demanding? You ask them. Just as retail shops and restaurants and other brick and mortar businesses do, you do deliberate market research. You act like a real business who wants answers and you pay attention to them even if you don’t like the answers you get.

The cool thing is – there is a market for EVERYTHING you just have to figure out the best way to reach them.  My dad spent his life in the automotive industry, traveling around the world studying manufacturing plants and marketing strategies to figure out what was working and what wasn’t. One day we were driving around and we saw a pink/purple car. I think it was a Grand Am or something like that and I said “I can’t believe someone would paint their car that color.” He said, “They didn’t paint that Melani. It came like that.” And he proceeded to tell me the story of the pink car and many others like it. This was my first education into niche markets and the truth that there is in fact a market out there, albeit very small, for pink/purple sedans.

Maybe the thing you LOVE to do is only appealing to a very small number of people and an even smaller number of people would pay for it. That’s totally cool. Be totally psyched about the fact that you can get paid at all for what you love – you are further ahead that 90% of the working population. What if you kept doing that and then supplemented your income with something you kind of liked that lots of people are demanding and are willing to pay money for? What might get to happen for you then?

I know for me it has been a lot!

So, what do you do if nobody’s paying attention to what you want them to pay attention to? What do you do when you feel like you have been working your butt off and the rewards are not there? What happens when you send out your offer and you hear crickets?

You spend more time researching and less time creating things that may never see the light of day.

For many small businesses and solo-preneurs the missing ingredient is research. Deliberate, planned, effective, committed, useful and ongoing research. Research saves time, money, resources, energy and sleepless nights. For me it gave me my life back.

And I feel so strongly about it, and so does my awesome partner in crime Chris Garrett, that we created an entire course around the idea of researching and launching programs and products that get results. The live class was a huge success and now we have just made the Home Study version available. It’s called the Mojo Marketing Plan Home Study Course and if you want to find out more about it just go to http://www.mojomarketingplan.com/mojo.

This is going to be short but sweet. Recently I was reminded of a very powerful business lesson.

Not too long ago I launched a new un-program called the “Could Your Biz Use a 30 Day “Holy Crap You Look Amazing & Have You Lost Weight Detox” or for short, The 30 Day Biz Detox.

This was not one of those things I spent too much time thinking about. The idea came to me and before I even knew what was going on people were signing up. I just offered it and I have to say have been VERY happy that I did. Happy for 2 reasons:

1) The people who have signed up to do it have been nothing short of awesome. I have loved working with every one of them and they have the kind of issues that make me love this part of my work.

2) It took all of 30 minutes to put together and it worked.

But here’s the reason I’m sharing this with you. I have asked every single person who has signed up for this program this question, “What is the number one reason you chose to work with me right now?” and out of the dozens who have come on so far and who have already returned their pre-meeting docs a solid 90% included this little bit in their answer…”Because you offered it.”

Here’s why that’s awesome. Most people are so afraid of putting things out there and are so fixed on getting everything perfect that they don’t offer stuff. They don’t offer the programs they want to do, the products they’ve created, the events they want to do. They just sit comfortably idea-ing their booties off but never put it out there.

If this is you then the reason you aren’t selling (and therefore making any money) is because you aren’t selling. You aren’t offering your awesomeness up on a silver platter, making it impossible for people to buy from you.

So, what can you put together right now and offer to your people?

What’s stopping you from doing it?

If nothing is stopping you then get your booty in gear and offer it already and send me a link so I can check it out.

If you’re not sure then you might need a “Holy Crap You Look Awesome & Have You Lost Weight Detox” yourself:)

I got an email from someone that said “It’s not just about headstands and running. Please tell me it’s not.”

This person had come to me for marketing advice and was a little frustrated because she thought that since she’s not the kind of gal to get into a headstand at any given moment or have someone video her running and leaping through the air that she’d never get the kind of feedback or attention I did.

I actually get this a lot. People come to me for marketing not because I’m talking about marketing left and right but because my marketing has worked on them, they liked how it made them feel and they want to make their peeps feel the same good stuff.

I actually got a client the other day that said, “I can’t believe I’m saying this but I hired you because of your headstand”.

Now obviously it wan’t just the headstand. It was how it made her feel. Maybe it made me believable, flawed, crazy or fun. Or maybe I reminded her of her best friend when she was 5 and she still misses her. Or maybe she wanted to hold the kind of retreat that needed this kind of marketing to fill it.

Who knows. She may never every be able to identify it exactly but the lesson is in there. Yes, you must be really good at what you do. You have to really and truly care about your clients – care more than anyone else ever has. You have to know your limits – promise what you can deliver on – and then add a bunch of cherries on top because you know it will make a difference to them. You have to help them get the result(s) they want. You have to walk your talk.

BUT, unless you show them who you are and be as approachable as their next door neighbor they may never get to see how awesome you really are.

When we shot that video of me on my head that was not planned. We were screwing around in the backyard and I stood on my head and we said “we should do a video like this.” Standing on my head at random is me. Making crazy noises and goofing off is me. Moving period is me. If that’s not your cup of tea then you will find someone else to hang with.

I always try to pick my clients, coaches and teachers based on 2 criteria:

1) Do they know what they are talking about – are they good at what they do – meaning can they help me solve my problem?

2) Would I want to enjoy my morning run with them or an afternoon sipping cold drinks by the pool.

If the answer to both questions is no I head in another direction. The truth is there are TONS of people who are good at solving your life or business problem – TONS. Why not pick someone you get and who gets you at a soul to soul level?

If you want to connect to your peeps more you can’t hide behind copy, perfectly crafted messages, elegantly designed websites and paint-by-the-numbers marketing tactics.

Do your work. Be awesome at it. And if you want to stand on your head, do that too.

A lot of people have commented to me that it looks like my business came out of nowhere or that I seem to be everywhere these days.

The truth is I’ve been around for a while. The work I have been doing hasn’t changed much in 5 years…or 17 for some of it. I have been counseling and teaching for 17, I have been “coaching” for 5 and have been marketing and helping others market their business for 4+. I have been out there, doing and working my butt off since I hung up my shingle as a sole proprietor 5 years ago.

I didn’t always have a web presence that reflected that though. I didn’t always market myself openly. And, I wasn’t always successful (as far as I’m concerned) as I am now. But I was there.

And I struggled during a lot of that time. I wanted to be 10 steps ahead. I wanted to attract better clients, make more money, be more well known, be seen as someone who knew the hell what she was talking about. But I didn’t and I wasn’t.

Until I was ready to.

It sounds so obvious, right? That I needed to be ready?But it was true. About a year and half ago it became very clear that I really needed a breakthrough. And I mean an earth shattering, game changing, life altering, breakthrough. I was certain of it. I had been living on the verge in my business for too long and something was going to have to happen or I was going to go off and do something really unlucrative and unfun. I was tired of being worried all of the time and not having enough fun.

What made this time really different though was that the only thing I focused on was the fact that I WANTED a breakthrough. I didn’t try to seek out someone who could give it to me, join a gazillion programs looking for it to happen and I didn’t spend any time imagining how it would come…all of which I had done in the past. I just set a clear intention and went on with my work.

When it came it nearly brought me to my knees. I was not expecting it. And it came through an experience where I actually thought one thing would happen and the exact opposite did. It was one of those great moments that taught me how important it is not to get caught up in the when or the how or the why but just be clear on what you want and the answer will show up as long as you keep doing your thang.

The breakthrough for me was around this belief that I was never going to be good enough, big enough, effective enough, smart enough or expert enough to be taken really seriously. This “good enough” biz is the story of my life. It’s  the story that shows up whenever I get stuck or things don’t go as well as I want.

The breakthrough came when I was away at an event. The person who was leading it had always been sort of a mystery to me. I was fascinated by her confidence and curious as to how she had a built a business as “big” as she had on her level of expertise, which didn’t seem that much to me. I had this picture in my mind that she could do no wrong. I expected to go to this event and be blown away. And I was. Though not in the way I had thought.

I learned things I never had thought I would that at the time felt very specific but in retrospect are just huge lessons that I needed to learn and I think most of us could benefit from.

1. Many people are not the experts or masters we think or that they seem to be (some marketing messages are true – some are just crap.) You simply can’t believe everything you read or perceive online.

2. Be careful about how high you put someone you have never worked with personally. Many people are grossly irresponsible in their work and they do things they have no business doing. I have experienced this far too many times. Coaches that cross the line into therapy when they have NO training or experience in following through with what comes up in the process. Coaches that promise you something they could never in truth deliver on. And on and on.

3. Focus more on the substance of the work itself than the hype that surrounds it. In other words, seeing and experiencing is believing.

4. Being believable is half the battle. The person who was hosting this event was believable to me (at least until I experienced the event). She fully believed in her greatness and so did and do many, many others. Part of what they believe about her is what she believes about herself. That’s incredibly powerful. To those who really need to believe this can work. But to those of us like me who really don’t need to believe anyone else, this is simply not enough. (I’ve never been one to drink anyone’s kool-aid can you tell?)

5. Don’t spend any more time thinking you’re not good enough at what you do to have the kind of success you want. Do what you can do, what you’re good at, what you’re trained to do and experienced enough to do and you can have whatever success you want as long as you make success a priority that you’re willing to work toward every day.

That experience taught me that a lot of people are not all they are cracked up to be and I can hold my own against almost anyone. It was time I did.

Those lessons were huge for me. That was the breakthrough I needed and my business changed more dramatically than I ever imagined after that experience…an experience where I learned the exact opposite from what I thought I would. It taught me that very often we spend time comparing ourselves to ideas, to perceptions, to untruths. That only serves to limit us and give us the false belief that we are not enough. No more, okay?

It tickles me a little bit that I tend to get a lot of clients coming to me after they have spent all of their money, energy and trust with someone who is “bigger” and more visible than me. It warms my heart when they tell me they got more out of just a couple of sessions with me (at 1/3 of the price usually) than they did with them. I don’t think it is a coincidence that I attract those people. I think part of what I’m really good at is combining the practical with the big vision and being very clear about what I can help people do.

You have to be able to promise a hell of a lot with those massive price tags people float around out there but from what I have seen and heard I am not convinced all too many have been able to deliver. How can you? We’re not talking brain surgery here.

I don’t promise a dollar amount, an amount of people you’ll get on your list, or a business that will allow you to work 4 hours a day.  I’m certain about what I can do and can’t do and I would rather lose your business to a competitor than move into territory I am not qualified for or trained in just to make a sale and keep the illusion going that I can do no wrong. I don’t necessarily believe that everyone has “It” and by “It” I mean the guts, grit and gumption combined with the likeability and charisma factor that will get them to the top.  So, I deliver the very best of who I am to my clients  and I hope that they implement what I teach them but I am not a magician and I’m not going to charge prices that demand I be one.

I got the breakthrough because I went looking for it, I wanted it and I put myself in situations to get it. I didn’t create the expectation for where it would happen, who would give it to me and what would happen as a result. I just opened myself up to it.

When you want a breakthrough, look for it. Desire to have the transformation happen. Be driven to learn the lesson that’s there for you. As cliche as it may sound, the rest really will come.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, there is no shortage of solutions out there.

Are you fat? Here’s a diet. Are you bored? Here’s an adventure? Are you single? Here’s a system. Are your business results lamer than a president in the final months of a 8 year term? Here’s the blueprint.

The problem is that most of these solutions suck. They don’t suck because the information is bad or faulty or incomplete. They suck because people buy them thinking they are buying a solution to their problem but the real problem is they don’t know what the heck their REAL problem is.

They experience dismal results and a wretched bottom line and they think “I must be doing it wrong. If only I knew WHAT to do”. But 9 times out of 10, that’s crap.

The truth is your business is simply a microcosm of your life and just like there are certain patterns you play out in your relationships, with your health and with your money – over and over again – there are certain patterns and behaviors that show up over and over again in your business. You experience something (decline in business, lack of growth, etc.) and you respond in predictable ways (find the next perfect coaching program), you take similar actions (pick a different guru to follow),  and when the result is not what you wanted you scratch your head and wonder why the magic pill did not work.

It’s most likely that the magic pill didn’t work because you took a pill that cures a migraine when what you really wanted was a pill that could make you feel more awesome.

The number one reason really great marketing programs, blueprints, systems, etc. don’t work is because they don’t come with the side effect of thinking yourself awesome.

You can take in all of the information humanly possible but unless you believe in yourself, your work, and the value you offer none of it matters. You can understand every tactic and strategy but unless you are willing to promote yourself genuinely, consistently and doggedly, it doesn’t matter. The tools and information mean nothing without confidence in yourself and the willingness to keep going when it feels really uncomfortable and when the other 99% of the people would stop.

Yes – certainly, for some people they do need information. They really have no idea what to do when it comes to marketing but since the last thing most of my clients need is more information that’s not going to be my focus here.

Here’s what I really wish they would bottle so I could hand out these pills to my clients:

1. Enough courage to put yourself and your program out there before it reaches the level of “perfection.”

2. Enough confidence in your work to send all of the emails you have down on your calendar instead of sending one and calling it a launch.

3. Enough belief in your product or service that you won’t stop until you know your solution has found its way into the hands of everyone who is looking for it and demanding it.

4. Enough understanding of yourself that you won’t market in ways that make you feel like you need to take a shower afterward.

5. Enough chutzpa to market exactly how you want to no matter how nutso someone says you are.

6. Enough strength to deal with the consequences.

7. Enough craziness to go out on a limb.

8. Enough self-assuredness to not give a hoot what anyone else thinks of the work you love.

9. Enough  poise to acknowledge when something didn’t work and enough humility to share your lessons with others.

10. Enough discipline to do what you say you’re going to do…no matter what.

11. Enough vision to carry you through even the worst of days.

12. Enough sense to know that it doesn’t have to mean everything.

13. Enough playfulness to make your work not feel like work.

14. Enough drive to make not getting what you want not an option.

15. Enough  LOVE for who you are, what you do and who you help to make all the rest come to you with ease.

That is all. That is my wish for you.

I just opened the doors to a totally awesome new un-program. Here’s the gist:

Who?: Any entrepreneur, solo-preneur, mom-preneur, soul-preneur (and whatever other possible preneur title) who needs to clean up, clean out, de-clutter, stream-line, organize, categorize and better monetize their business in the next 30 days.

What?: This is Detox for your biz. In this totally awesome un-program I’ll analyze everything that’s currently involved in the complex and delicate mechanism called your business, help identify and refine your goals, and create a plan to get those goals through your business without any hiccups.

This is a structured program. We are not going to just get on the phone and gab about whatever is going on in your biz. We are going to get down to the serious sludge that’s clogging it up and keeping you from kicking more ass. Just like when you go on a detox diet and there are certain things you need to do and not do, this is the same thing. You will get questions before each ONE-ON-ONE call, I will walk you through a process and we will come out at the other end with a model and a plan that will help you get the most from your business. Just as when you get your diet under control and your booty moving your body and mind start to function at optimum levels, so too will your business when this process is complete.

So, if you have done an hourly session with me in the past, this is not the same thing.

Where?: At your desk, on the couch, at the bar, on the beach, in the hot tub – wherever floats your fancy. All you need is a phone. I’ll take care of the rest like telling you what number to call, recording it for you, and sending you pretty and very detoxified worksheets before and after that will make you say, “Holy shit I feel like I just dropped 20 pounds!”

When?: Over the next 30 days. Well, any 30 days that you pick. We don’t have to start right now. If you’d rather wait a few weeks we can start then. That’s the beauty of ONE-ON-ONE – we start whenever we darn well please!

Why?: There are several reasons I’m doing this:

1. Over the past month or so I have done several sessions with some people who came to me after spending a gazillion dollars on high end programs that made them feel dirty. Like, “damn I better take a shower I feel so violated” kind of dirty. Each of them told me that they got more out of our sessions together than they did the entire time they were in the high level – insert heavy precious metal – type of program. So good in fact that they hired me again…and again.

2. I’m about to go through a bit of a detox myself. I am having minor surgery tomorrow and because of it I won’t be able to do any real physical activity (yes that one too) for at least 10 days. Since not moving makes me crazy I’m going to take the opportunity to do a full detox as well and just embrace the moment. Not just the stop eating jellie bellies kind of detox but the whole life, whole business kind. So, what better time to offer this than now?

3. I have decided that one of the biggest causes of the financial meltdown is the fact that people have totally gone nuts when it comes to value of money and by nuts I mean money and value seem so separated that the idea that money actually represents value has been totally lost. Now I am quite certain that Warren Buffet would have other ideas but I am doing my part to take a stand against totally insane fees and prices. I am going to offer out-of-control value, access and results and I promise that when you are done you are not going to need to call your grandma for money or take a shower in my new patent pending bath scrub, “Ick Be-Gone.”

How Much?: Like I just said I’m taking a stand. That’s why you are going to get 2 one-hour sessions with me for just $2000 dollars. Ha ha. Just kidding. Seriously you are going to get 2 one-hour ONE-ON-ONE sessions with me for $275.

Sounds like a chance to turn up the awesome, right?

If you want to register, all you have to do is click this link and I’ll be in touch to schedule your appointment.

Here’s one of the things I often hear from my clients, “I’m not attracting the kind of clients I want.”

Maybe they are attracting people who are broke, too overwhelmed, too attached to their stories, not committed to achieving results, late payers, energy drainers… You name it. There are any number of things that make clients less than desirable to work with right?

Or, my clients talk about how they want to create a program on a “hot topic” so they do it but then only 2 or 3, or worse, zero people join the party. And again, they scratch their heads and wonder why this is “happening.”

To me it’s very simple. It’s simple because I have been there. I have felt that frustration of attracting pain in the butt clients (and actually saying yes to working with them) and creating programs that bombed. But, I know why it was happening so I wanted to share this with you in the hopes that it will serve you in some way.

Let’s use the analogy of dating for a minute and consider the fact that everyone is walking around emitting some sort of energy. Some may be operating at a 5, pretty low, and some may be at a 10, flying high.

Tens are people who feel great about themselves, they look great, they are engaging, fun to talk to and have a magnetic and very likeable quality to them.

People who are operating at a 5 are probably going by unnoticed. They don’t look like they care too much about how they look or how others perceive them. They are negative, they complain a lot and generally feel not so great about themselves or their situation, whether they are voicing it out loud or not.

However, when you talk to the 5 they describe the person they want to meet as a 10 right? They may say, “I want someone who is smart, funny, a great dresser, social, ambitious, has a great career, etc.”

But, what are the chances that the 10 is going to want the 5? Not very good at all right? So why would this be any different when it comes to clients we want to attract?

Four years ago I wanted to attract clients who were go-getters, knew what they wanted, were successful, had great ideas and were ready to take serious action.

I wanted 10s.

But, I was so unsure of what I was doing, in a “not enough” frame of mind, and operating from such a scarcity mindset that I was never going to attract those types of clients. I was going to attract clients that were closer to where I was on the energy scale.

Today my client list is very different and the more I raise my energy, the better my clients get. The more I walk my talk and talk my walk, the more I do what I am best at, the more I pay attention to EVERY aspect of my life, the more exciting and fun my life is all around, the more amazing relationships I create with my family and friends, and the more I experience transformation and success in my own life, the more I attract the SAME in return.

The truth is that the universe is way smarter than we think.

We can’t expect to have a long waiting list of amazing clients if we are operating at a level 5. We can’t create programs on “hot topics” like weight loss or wellness but then not be the embodiment of that lifestyle and wonder why nobody showed up. We can’t create a class on managing time and beating overwhelm when we can’t get control of those things in our own life. Certainly there is an element that we teach what we need to learn but at the same time we can’t be totally out of integrity either.

So, think about the kind of people you are attracting to your life and to your business. If they are not ideal, take a look at why. Are you a 5 or a 6 looking for a 10? If that’s the case and you really want the 10s then do what you need to in order to genuinely raise your energy.

Do you need a makeover? Get one. Do you need to start saying “no” to clients that will drain you so you can let the universe know that you are creating the space for more ideal clients to come your way? Then say “no”! Do you want to fill a high end program but you are in such a poverty conscious mindset that you aren’t willing to join a program like that yourself? How do you think the universe will respond to that?

If you want to attract a 10 you have to be a 10.

Google is ahead of the curve in many areas but one of their best practices by far is giving their engineers the freedom to spend 20% of their work hours doing whatever they want. For some this means surfing the web, for some it means more time on their bike and for others it’s simply taking a nap under a tree.

Why do they do this? For 2 reasons:

1) Research from the National Academy of Sciences shows that giving your mind a break every now and then – shifting it away from being constantly focused on important matters – may be one of the best ways to clear the space for more insights, ideas, and solutions. And

2) It works.

The engineers at Google can count many company and personal successes that have come out of this down time. And they certainly aren’t the only ones who know how powerful it can be to simply daydream, stare out the window and stretch your creative wings. Just look at your kids. Kids are masters of not overthinking or making everything so urgent and so hard and think about how much they absorb and learn in a given day.

But somewhere along the way, ahem….school, we were taught to put the lid on daydreaming and that play and work are mututally exclusive pursuits. I could not disagree more. In fact, my best work is done while I’m running or hiking or practicing yoga. Implementation may happen at my desk or on the phone but I wouldn’t even have a business if it wasn’t for the “monkeying around” I put into my schedule every single day.

When we are willing to be engaged in pursuits that would likely fall low on the productivity scale, we are not shirking our work but rather allowing ourselves to be happier, think more creatively and clearly and produce the kinds of products, books and programs that our clients want.

Ernest Rossi, psychobiology researcher and a leading expert on ultradian rhythms and how they affect human biology suggests taking a 20 minute break whenever you are focused on something and you start to feel your energy dip or your mood drop. He says that taking a break will allow your body to use this downtime to clear away metabolic wastes and replenish energetic stores lost during heavy bouts of concentration and it will allow you to reclaim peak energy and effectiveness levels. Then you can go back to what you were doing and start the cycle again. If you fail to take the breaks however, it’s going to back up on you eventually.

Our tendency as entrepreneurs is to override the feelings or nudges we have to take a break because we are on a roll or we simply must “get it done now” but the fact is, if we want to make the best of our brains’ and our bodies’ natural patterns, we need to listen to those feelings.

So what kind of breaks did you take today? Are you taking 20% of your time each day to simply daydream, play, doodle, and let your mind get into a little bit o mischief? If you are, fabulous. If not, try it out and see what happens. You may just find that the thing you’ve been wanting to do but you kept thinking was too hard or you weren’t sure how to execute, finally drops in on you and it gets done faster and easier than you could have ever predicted.

I have a mirror that makes me look skinny. I look taller than my 5 foot 6 stature, all clothes seem to flatter me and every time I look in it I think, “Okay, that’s pretty good.”

I also have a mirror that makes me look fat. We’re talking borderline fun house mirror at the neighborhood carnival. I look shorter than I think I am and the distance between my hip and my knee seems to have been cut in half. I have been known to look in that mirror and be so overwhelmed that I’ve gone and run 15 miles right on the spot. Probably in a lame attempt to run away from myself I guess.

Looking in THAT mirror surprises me every time. I think, “Really, this is what you look like after all of the running, the pull-ups, the clean eating, all of the work? Can that be possible?”

Then inevitably after a long run and some fresh air I ask the most important question – which is real? And by real I mean which mirror reflects what other people see – the skinny or the fat one? When they see me do they see the person I feel good about being or do they see what I consider to be the worst version of me?

Then as I come closer and closer to my senses I ask even more important questions, “What if I just chose to believe that the skinny mirror was true? How would it change my mindset? Would anything really change? Would the fact that I work hard to be healthy, eat right, stay active, challenge myself on a daily basis change? Is that stuff less true if I “appear” to look like something other than I what I see in the mirror?”

Now, while I am fairly obsessed about health and I do want to look good, I’m far less obsessive about what I see in the mirror as might be evident from the above. The fact is the skinny/fat mirror concept can be applied to our business and just about every other area of our lives as well.

With the advent of social media and social networking sites (though this was present even without them) I have seen more and more clients (my consulting, performance coaching and therapy clients alike) spending more and more time comparing themselves to others, making assumptions about other people based on their profiles and totally losing touch with reality. They see something reported on Twitter and assume it must be true, which seems to me like hanging out in the grocery line and assuming every headline on the National Inquirer is true.

The truth is that everyone wants to “look good”. Everyone wants to appear to have it all together. Everyone wants to look successful. And, people will go to great lengths to show others how perfect it all is, who cool they are and how mind blowingly creative and innovative they are.

I do believe that a lot of what I see is true and in most cases my gut or my genuine experience of the person, in the absence of a fact checker, tells me it is true. But I’m also aware of the skinny/fat mirror phenomenon in that perception, how I take in information, how others attempt to paint a picture for me they hope I will “buy” and which mirror I choose to believe at any given moment makes a difference too.

If it’s a fat mirror day it seems that I spend too much energy worrying that I’m not measuring up or that so and so is so much further along than me or I may just never achieve the goals I have for myself and my business. If it’s a skinny mirror day then I am certain that I am exactly where I should be, I take a lot of the hype and self-aggrandizement with a grain of salt and I am clear that however many people I work with on a certain day, whether it be 5 or 30, I am giving my best to them and that is all I can do. That is real.

It’s hard to know what is true for others and what people REALLY see when they look at us. We make assumptions about other people all of the time but it does not mean they are true. People will make assumptions about us as well. If we let that get to us we’d be paralyzed.

If we want to move forward in our life and live our best life we have to trust ourselves, give everything we have to our bodies, our relationships and our work and assume that will be enough….because it is. It’s not about the 5 pounds that seemed to show up over night or the fact that our list is not where we want it to be or that we failed to reach one of our program goals by 5,000 or what so and so thinks about us that matters. What matters is that we tell the truth to ourselves and others and remember that perception and reality are often not one and the same.

Speaking of living your best life, I was recently asked to be a Best Life Design contributer for my friend and colleague Dr. Mollie Martie’s new site. (Was that a lame transition or what?)

But for realz, I was completely thrilled and when I saw the line up of people, I knew it was something I wanted to be a part of. These people have got it together – so naturally I was a bit pleased when I made the short list:) She has put together a list of 17 thought-leaders who will be sharing their insights and experience on everything from fitness to relationships to finances to mind-body health. And it’s all kicking off this week.

If you are looking to live your best life, are committed to doing so, and want to learn from people who have proven over and over to be the real deal, I suggest you check out The Best Life Design membership community. It’s practically free (seriously $1 for a lifetime membership) but the value is incredible. The truth is, we can’t do this alone and if you have been looking for a community that will actually support you in whatever you are trying to accomplish in your life, this may be exactly what you need. So take a few minutes to check it out. I’m not only excited to be able to contribute to such a wonderful community but I can’t wait to dig in and play in that space with everyone else too. http://www.bestlifedesign.com.

I have an incredibly fun group of women entrepreneurs that I get together with a couple of times a month. We chat about our businesses, help each other with ideas, encourage each other and most importantly just hold the space for each other to be the indecisive, creative and sometimes whacked out of our heads people that we are.

Well, a few weeks ago I left one of our morning coffees with this feeling in my gut that everyone was working too damn hard. It seemed that everyone was launching something, going through some big shift in their business, or dealing with some physical problem while at the same time trying to be there for their kids and partners and it was wearing them out.

So I called up my friend Sandy and said “I want to plan a secret adventure for everyone.” Naturally she was in immediately. So we told everyone that we were having a meeting on Friday April 9 from 11:30-3 and that we weren’t going to tell them anything about it. We just wanted them to show up.

Two people couldn’t come because they were out of town but when we pulled up in the limo at 11:30am last Friday 8 women showed up. They were dressed like they weren’t sure if we were going to get tattoos downtown, eat bugs in the woods or hike in the mountains. (All great ideas by the way.)

And when the car took off it was as if everyone gave a collective sigh of relief. For the first time in months there wasn’t going to be any hard. This time they were going to be taken care of and the entire purpose of the meeting was to let go and forget about all of the shoulds and what ifs and just be.

We popped the champagne, gave them the t-shirts we had made especially for them, and made our way to a roller rink that has not changed one single iota since its erection in the mid 70s. When we walked in the door it was as though the rest of the world stopped and we were in this funky time machine…with insanely good music of course.

We got on our hot skates and cruised for nearly 2 hours. We made up dance moves, did shoot the duck, won cotton candy, wiped out and laughed our asses off. When we got back to the car we were sweaty and happy and after we dropped everyone off Sandy and I sprawled out in the limo really frickin proud of ourselves for pulling it off.

Since then I have received cards, emails, and texts from everyone thanking us for giving them an opportunity to care about only themselves for a while. Many have said that how good they felt after it was the reminder they needed to do it more often. They felt refreshed, excited to get back to work and lucky that they have such an amazing group of women who always seem to get what they need.

When you are the person assuming the risk every day in your business it can be exhausting, stressful, exciting, frightening and liberating all at the same time.  Having people you can call or meet for coffee at any given moment who really get you and truly want you to do well is an absolute gift. I feel lucky every day that I have these women and am sure that I would not be where I am now in my business if it weren’t for them.

I have paid for lots of masterminds in the past but none of them have been as powerful as this one that’s been 100% free and organic.

If you sometimes feel like you’re flying solo on this journey and you’d love some co-pilots, I encourage you to get out there and find other women who get you and who are excited to get you on a regular basis. It will not only change your business but it will change you.

So thank you Amy, Sandy, Mary Kay, Julie, Andrea, Holly, and Cynthia. And Alexis and Taylor, next time we’ll make sure you’ll be in town.